Becoming Intimate

In this Wednesday Night Dharma Talk coinciding with Upaya’s Being With Dying program, Frank Ostaseski breaks open the conversation of caring for those near death or in the dying process. Like curling up with a good book, Frank draws us in with stories of love and intimacy, of tender care, and loss. Going beyond the procedural instructions of engagement, Frank challenges us to “stay close and do nothing” to “tolerate the intensity of intimacy.” In a warm and wise way, we are reminded that intimacy can be heard from anywhere, like in planning for a wedding having only 6 weeks to live, or in a deep exchange of silence just hours before dying. When we work in this field Frank says “we become aware that we are of the nature to die… but also being with dying makes it explicit that no human being can be reduced to what we think we see, that every human being is infinitely larger than our narrow judgements of them. There are no final words to be uttered.” Frank invites participants to reflect and share what holds them back from fully engaging in intimacy with those they care for. Together Frank and the community reflect on fears of rejection, the entanglements of planning and logistics, reliability, safety, and identity. Frank sits by our side, inspiring our cultivation of a profound and intimate life.