EP 62: Coping is Not Healing: Making Sense of the Pain with Natalie Gutierrez Part 1

We all carry pain. All of us. We navigate the vice grip of the pains from our past along with the pains from the present while trying to keep it all together. And when things break, we often carry the blame and responsibility for our pain because we’ve absorbed the messages that our struggles are our sole responsibility; neglecting to see the systems, the business practices, and the cultural norms that weigh us down, too.As a result, the desire to control our emotions and our environments runs deep.And our protectors are often on high alert editing our words, our tones, and how we express emotions–especially the difficult ones. But when we seek to control both our inner world and our external world as a means of creating safety, we end up having the opposite effect. To counter these toxic messages and systems, we need to do our own inner work and set the foundation for the capacity to make changes in the spaces where we live and work.When it comes to talking about the pain we carry, I could not think of a better person to have a conversation with on this topic than Natalie Gutierrez, author of the new book and aptly titled book, The Pain We Carry: Healing from Complex PTSD for People of Color.Natalie Gutierrez (she/her) is a Puerto-Rican psychotherapist, author, and speaker who grew up in native Lenape land, now known as New York City. Much of her work is dedicated to providing trauma-informed psychotherapy to Black, Indigenous, and other People of Color/Mixed race. She works with adult individuals struggling with Complex PTSD.  She is a proud mother of two, and a growing equestrian.Content Warning: Discussion of childhood abuse, neglect, racism, and traumas. Listen with care and if listening is too much for your system, don’t push through. Honor the messages your body is sending and respect the need to pause if that is what’s needed.Listen to the full episode to hear:* How a formative experience in elementary school impacted Natalie’s relationship with approval, assimilation, success, and hustle* What happened for Natalie when her survival and coping mechanisms finally weren’t enough to keep her going* How Natalie’s relationship to both her ancestral rage and personal rage have evolved from explosivity to friendship* The importance of acknowledging and naming the shame behind our burdens* Why we have to accept external conflict in order to honor ourselvesLearn more about Natalie Gutierrez:* Mindful Journeys Marriage & Family Therapy (http://www.traumacounselingnyc.com/)* Instagram: @nataliegutierrezlmft (https://www.instagram.com/nataliegutierrezlmft/)*