399 I’m Committed To Finding The Best Way | February 2018 Saturday Week 1

Synergistic Saturdays-#399  February 3rd The Strong Within Daily Affirmation Podcast I’m Committed To Finding The Best Way   “Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.” ~Thomas A. Edison Sometimes our lives are hard because we make them hard. I was thinking back to my college days where I used to eat a lot of hard boiled eggs. I wanted to get some good and easy protein in for my workouts so I’d hard boil a lot of eggs during the week for a quick and easy meal.   My grandmother had given me one of her hardboiled egg makers when I left for college and I loved that contraption. You could put 8 eggs in it, a little water to help steam it, and then plug the machine in and in about 15 minutes the eggs would come out nice and hot. I would then cool them off with some cold water so I could eat them right away.   And after years of use, the metal inside the egg maker was rusting. It probably wasn’t the safest machine as I think it was made in the 60s or 70s…at least by the way it looked. So I decided I had to give up on making eggs in that machine. Now mind you, these were the days before Google was so easily accessible, and so I decided to try my hand at hard boiling eggs by boiling water in a pot.   I’d get the water boiling and then I would drop an egg in, and once it hit the bottom it would crack every time. So then I tried a spoon, as I would work to gently try to get the egg to the bottom of the pot. Yet my spoons weren’t long enough for me to not burn my hand as I’d try every angle I could in a Cirque Du Soleil arm contortion act…and the egg would eventually slip off before I wanted it to as it’s hit the bottom and crack every time.   I was a bachelor and inexperienced in the kitchen, so I felt lost as I had no one to guide me. After multiple attempts I gave up on the idea, with a tear falling down my cheek knowing I would never have another hard-boiled egg again, unless I attended a Super Bowl Party or an Easter lunch.   I said to myself that it can’t be done, and  I don’t know how people do it. And so I gave up on my good friend the hard-boiled egg.   I also think sometimes when we’re defeated by something it’s easier to let go of it because we’re too embarrassed to ask for help in fear of looking foolish. And that’s why Google is so popular, well besides the fact you can find almost any information you need on it, it’s because it’s much easier to ask a machine a question that won’t judge us for not knowing something.   But as luck would have it, a few months or years down the line I met another hard-boiled egg aficionado. And I felt brave enough to ask the question how they were smart enough to not let that dang pot best them in the battle of wits.   And they asked what I had been doing, so I told them I’d get a pot, and I’d fill the pot with water, and then I’d put it on the stove and put the burner on high to get the water boiling faster, and then I’d try to drop the egg in…and that no matter how gentle I was I could never do it right.   They chuckled a little bit, and told me that the best way they had done it was to put the eggs in the pot first, then add the water, and then put it on the stove to heat up. And a light bulb went over my head as we laughed about how easy their way was.   I’m glad it was a good friend, and the only reason they chuckled was because it was one of those laughs you do when your child does something cute but they have no clue to what they are doing. So I felt silly after, but only because I thought if I had just done a little more contemplation on how to get over this problem I could’ve figured it out.   I was reading a book called The Outliers: The Story of Success by Malcolm Gladwell. In his book he had a chapter talking about people trying to figure out math problems, and I can’t recall the exact amount of time, but I think he said in this study where they gave people a math problem, if they couldn’t figure it out in 30 seconds people gave up.   And I see we do that in our lives. We have trouble with something and either we give up, or we go to Google, or we go to our calculator, or we ask someone right away instead of really working on our problem-solving skill muscles. A friend of mine who is an excellent manager told me a story about how she worked with her employees. They would come to her and ask her a question, and she would say, “well what do you think?” And their first response is, “I don’t know, that’s why I came to you.” And my friend would say, “go back and find the answer.”   She said some of her employees hated her because they felt she wasn’t helping them. But little did they know she was trying to make them more self-sufficient. She didn’t want them to be stuck and always coming to her; she wanted them to be their own boss and find a way to figure it out. And later on, certain employees that were under her eventually moved up in the company and would thank her for what she did. They would lead their team the same way. Instead of feeding people answers, they believed that the person could find an answer.   So when you’re stuck on something, do you really take the time to think about how you could solve it, or do you try to get out of feeling uncomfortable right away by going somewhere else to be given an answer? Yes, I know there will be times we need help, but if we don’t work on problem-solving more within ourselves, then we will always be looking for some sort of crutch to help us, to support us, instead of us finding our own best way.   I know for me, I felt stupid by the hard-boiled egg conundrum as I couldn’t figure it out, so I was embarrassed to ask anyone until I was far enough away from the problem to talk with someone about it. I know it sounds silly, but there were many times I wouldn’t raise my hand in class to ask a question that everyone else might have been thinking, for fear that I might look stupid. No one else was raising their hand, so they must all be getting it…when in fact a lot of people had the same questions I had…but were afraid like me to ask.   So if you’re a manager, a parent, a teacher, a friend, or in some sort of role in leadership, how can you believe more in your people? How can you believe so much in them that you encourage them to be their own problem solvers?   I know we don’t motivate anyone, but we can help guide people, so how do you think you can help those people in your care to be excited to find their own ways?   I believe one way to do that is to remind them that they have a unique set of skills and knowledge that no one else has. And that they bring something amazing to the table if they just step back and take time to think of better ways instead of trying to do it only one way. Help those in our care to not take the easy road, but to be excited to bring their own uniqueness to the answers.   Now I know my hard boiled egg story is a silly story, but it’s a perfect story on how we give up too easily. I had something I loved doing, but since I hadn’t taken the time to ask myself, “well why isn’t it working…” I decided to just move on. I decided that it was too much work, and I couldn’t be bothered with it.   I don’t like to bad mouth schools or teachers or the educational system as it is a great resource for us in developing into smarter humans. But in my schooling experience, I didn’t have many teachers who encouraged me to bring out my uniqueness. They wanted the specific answer they were looking for, and if I gave it to them, then I did a good job. In college, I saw I wasn’t being graded on my individuality and creativity, I was being graded on giving the professor exactly what he or she wanted. And I am not saying all professors are like this, but it was my experience that when I tried to be more creative, I got worse grades.   Now I wasn’t looking for people to tell me I was amazing. But I guess I just wanted a little push or pat on the back that let me know it was good that I was thinking outside of the box and that while I didn’t get a good grade for being different…it was great that I extended myself a little more in a unique way. Maybe if someone had let me know that it was good I was thinking differently I might have tried a little harder. Because what I really saw was the red marks on how I was wrong and I felt stupid for putting myself out there.   And I learned how to survive in the system; I saw that to get better grades I just had to fall in line and give my teachers what they wanted. I became a robot going to school to get my diploma. I didn’t go to learn something or to be educated; I went for that piece of paper as I figured that was the prize, all the while not understanding that the grade, or the paper wasn't the answer…the education was the prize. And I told myself I would get that education in the job market.   I’m not looking to down anyone in leadership roles such as teachers, parents, or manager for how they operate their life. Like my friend who’s a manager, and asked her employees to find their own answers. I’m sure some employees left the company or thought she was a jerk and didn’t care about them. And that could’ve been how I viewed my teachers, not knowing their real motive in helping me. But this podcast is not about them; it’s about you. It’s about trusting yourself a little more. It’s about asking more of yourself. It’s about taking a little more time not just to do what always has been done, but maybe to ask—is there a better way I could do something?   Because in life I think there’s so much more than just being a good soldier. I think there’s something great when we decide to step out of line and share our uniqueness with the world. The world doesn’t need any more automatons. The world needs individual hearts, the world needs new thoughts on old problems, and the world needs more creativity in sharing our beautiful selves with it.   I know for me I was scared to step out and be thought a fool, or to look silly, or to be different. But inside I don’t want to be the same as everyone else. In my past, I fell in line because I didn’t want to be left out, and not loved for being something that people didn’t understand. And so I killed those notions of individuality, so I could feel the love of acceptance. But all acceptance ever did for me, was kill me a little more every day. I was killing my authentic self to fall in line with the expectation of what I thought others wanted of me.   So let us not be afraid of being loved, but let us remember that when we are willing to step out and be our amazing unique selves, we will find the people who we resonate with. When we step out a little more we will find the people who truly love us for who we are. Know that when we step out of the norm willing to look silly for not knowing an answer, that over time we will find a better answer.   Steve Jobs said this, “Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.”   Our lives are short when we look back at the end of it. Being 38, I can’t believe how fast time flies. And I think it’s a shame for us to look back and wish we followed our heart a little more, or that we wished we spent a little more time problem solving instead of giving up too early, or if maybe we believed a little more in ourselves we could’ve been at ease being our authentic selves.   One of the greatest tragedies in life are those of us who live a life of impersonation afraid of sharing who we truly are. It is a wasted life…because we’re living someone else’s life, as we’re throwing ours away at the same time.   Today’s Personal Commitment: What are some of the things you gave up too easily on in your life? My hard-boiled egg problem is a great example because if I was willing to give up that easy on a small problem, what makes me think I would work hard on a big problem? How we do anything is how we do everything.   When something is hard we say in our mind that it wasn’t a big deal, or it didn’t matter to us and that’s why we acted a certain way, but if we treat the small matters with a lack of respect it becomes a habit in how we treat all matters.   So look at things you’ve given up to easily on, and come back to them and ask yourself if there could be a better way. Like the hard-boiled egg issue, I had to do it backwards to get it right.   And after you do that, look at things you are struggling with now. See if you can come at the problem with a different eye to break the mold of traditional answers that are keeping you stuck in your predicament.   I think it’s great to be vigilant in solving our problems, and so we must remember that lesson with others. I believe we need to be a rock for people, but not in giving them the answers, but believing in them, and letting them know that they can find the answer. Let people know that you want them to grow instead of being reliant on someone or something else. Because one of the greatest feelings in the world is knowing that you were strong enough to figure something out and do it on your own when you needed to.   Help people become their own superheroes. Ernest Hemmingway said, “The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.” So let us trust people with their own lives, and believe in them enough, to come to even better answers than we could’ve given them I’m Committed To Finding The Best Way   Thanks for listening.  I'm sending great energy your way as we become Strong Within together, Personal Development Life Coach- Chris O'Hearn Contact info- email: [email protected]  phone:865-219-3247     Music by: - Zest by basematic (c) copyright 2011 Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution (3.0) license. - I Have Often Told You Stories (guitar instrumental) by Ivan Chew (c) copyright 2013 Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution (3.0) license. Location: Knoxville, Tennessee USA but available worldwide