42. Relational Awareness + Conscious Dating with Dr. Alexandra Solomon

Dr. Alexandra Solomon joins us on The Coachable Podcast to talk about Relational Awareness and Conscious Dating. She is a licensed clinical psychologist at The Family Institute at Northwestern University and a clinical assistant professor in the Department of Psychology at Northwestern University. We dive into everything from relationship myths to generational differences in dating. If you’re seeking relationship advice, this is the podcast for you. Extend the Pause [3:40] “The relationship with self becomes the foundation for intimacy and connection.” “Can we increase the pause between stimulus and response to inquire within ourselves without reactivity?” “We are in the midst of a collective grief and we are more at risk than ever to be falling back on whatever our self-protective urges are.” “My triggers are my roadmaps to my healing.” “Where our walls are, are where our wounds are.” “Our relationships are a space where healing happens.” Let Go of The Myths [15:00] “We can’t make a nice, neat flowchart, there has to be a willingness to take accountability for our own sh*t.” “There will be things in your relationship that you can’t solve. You can choose to be in that dance together despite the fact that no one is right.” “I am here for grieving and letting go of the myth that, “If you’re truly the right one for me,I’ll never feel discomfort, doubtful or hesitant.’” “Sometimes the healing has to start in the little spaces.” Love Today [23:00] “Dating is hard because it’s hard! Not because you’re broken or wrong or haven’t figured it out.” “We can’t have our grandparents' love story because the context is different.” “All of this noise is overwhelming out in the world. When you’re in the quiet space of therapy or coaching, you can finally start to see what’s yours and what is not yours.” “A couples love story belongs to them.” Our Original Love Classroom [34:00] “When we are little, we are observing and absorbing messages.” “The first type of message is observing the dynamics of the big people in the house. “Type 2 is relating to and becoming who the big people in the house need us to be.” “We’re in love with falling in love. When we get past that 6-12 month period and they start to show their baggage, your perception of that person starts to change.” “The more compassionate you are with yourself, the more compassionate you can be with your partner.” “That fear and shame that keeps us hiding is also the thing that keeps us from deep intimacy.” Not Being Chosen [46:00] “Not being chosen by someone is painful. You can hold the pain, or turn it against yourself. Be aware if the pain turns into shame.” “The Connect with us on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thecoachablepodcast/ Connect with Tori on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/coachtorigordon/ Guess what?! WE'RE ON YOUTUBE! https://www.youtube.com/c/ToriGordon If you love the show and want to show your support, please leave us a 5 star rating and review of the podcast on Apple Podcasts and Spotify! Go b Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices