How to Manage Unsolvable Relationship Issues and Perpetual Problems with Dr. Carol Stoney

Today Dr. Beth is thrilled to have relationship expert. Dr. Carol Stoney return to discuss the ongoing conflicts and struggles that all couples deal with. They discuss Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman’s research, specifically their work on perpetual problems and unsolvable issues. No matter who you end up with, you will have a distinctive set of issues pop up, and more than 2/3 of these issues will never resolve, but need to be discussed to get out of gridlock. Dr. Stoney reminds us that at least 2/3 of our differences will never be agreed upon. Some of her advice: we need to take responsibility for our own part and admit that often “we don’t manage ourselves very well “when we have an issue with our partners. we need to look at our “action tendencies “and to understand ourselves, rather than pointing the finger at others (which is the natural tendency.) we often treat our partner like the enemy, partly because our nervous system‘s are wired to be constantly “checking for safety. “ Dr. Stoney says that couples “quickly lose the feeling that we’re on the same team. “ she often Reminds couples to “connect and then correct.” we all need to feel that we are “in a safe pair of hands” with our partner. Our partners actually want to please us, whether we realize it or not. She also recommends the imago profile as a tool for understanding our triggers and patterns and relationships. And Baby Makes Three: The Six-Step Plan for Preserving Marital Intimacy and Rekindling Romance After Baby Arrives Loving On Purpose Listen to this episode and more: neverperfect.org Follow us on instagram @neverperfectpodcast Please rate and review this podcast. Send us an email with any feedback or requests: [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices