Natalie Lue helps us discover The Joy of Saying No

Join me this time as I chat to ‘recovering people pleaser’ Natalie Lue - author of The Joy of Saying No, and founder of Baggage Reclaim, one of the longest-running self-help blogs in the world.    Most of us (as with our own parents) will have been raised during The Age of Obedience - socialized (especially if we identify as women) to be good and compliant - little wonder then that so many of us exhibit people-pleasing behaviours.    Perhaps it hasn’t been a huge issue for us before, but perimenopause impacts on our ability to ‘multitask’ in the way we might have managed before now and for many of us holding up our people-pleasing tendencies can become exhausting, even debilitating.    Natalie talks us through the five different styles of people-pleasing: gooding, efforting, avoiding, saving, and suffering - how these tendencies might have arisen in the first place, and helps us to identify which style we most identify with. The chapters that focus on the five styles also highlight ‘things to watch out for’ and some ‘quick shifts’ to help the reader start changing their behaviours.    The later parts of the book provide a framework for instituting healthier boundaries and troubleshooting when we might get pushback from others or indeed from ourselves! Natalie also suggests invoking ‘the power of the pause’, and explains the difference between a ‘hard no’ and a ‘soft no’ - and when we might want to use each of them.    Last of all we discuss why saying ‘No’ to some things opens up space for us to say ‘Yes’ to the things we truly value and find joyful.    I’ll leave you with this little nugget of wisdom from the book:  “Every time you do something from a place of guilt, fear, or obligation, it always leads to resentment. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon.”   The Joy of Saying No is out now, published by Harper Horizon, and you can find Natalie at www.baggagereclaim.com and https://www.instagram.com/natlue    You can also find us over on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/middlingalong_podcast/ and you can listen to past episodes at www.middlingalong.com   It would mean so much if you’d subscribe, rate, and review us to share the love and help others find the podcast too!  You can also find me at https://www.instagram.com/managingthemenopause  or at www.managingthemenopause.com where we offer 1-1 coaching and workplace training.  Get your free 'Guide to your GP appointment' at https://www.managingthemenopause.com/free-resources