Journey of Attachment: Why Berating or Ignoring Someone Backfires

When you try to control someone by berating them or giving them the silent treatment, you don’t think about the actual impact it has. You think you’ll be able to motivate them into doing what you want, but instead you push them away. Do you have a list of rules they aren’t following so you need to teach or punish them through submissive or aggressive means? You think if they would just do what you want, you would feel ok, but that’s putting your emotional state in someone else’s hands. You think you’re the strong one, but actually it makes you powerless. Sighing heavily, rolling your eyes, turning away from your partner in bed, giving the cold shoulder, name-calling, etc. are just a few ways you may try to manipulate someone into taking care of your needs. But does it actually work or do you cause them to become resistant and defensive? Instead of pulling them closer, you end up pushing them away. Healthy relationships never involve tearing each other apart; that’s not what intimacy looks like. It also deprives you of your own happiness because these manipulations are not only ineffective, they make you feel like crap. When you are angry or discontent with your partner, stand in front of the mirror and look at the person who is making you miserable. You chose this relationship, so rolling your eyes 100 times isn’t going to fix things. Instead, connect with your deeper pain and ask yourself what you need to feel better. Your emotional well-being is in YOUR hands.