Solving a Marriage Crisis With Howard Dayton

Proverbs 15:1 says, A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. That verse reminds us to keep a cool head when we experience conflict or crisis in a relationship. And maybe all the more when that crisis involves the marriage relationship. Howard Dayton joins us today to talk about surviving a marriage crisis. Howard Dayton is the founder of Compass Finances God’s Way and the former host of this program. THE WARNING SIGNS OF A MARITAL CRISIS It typically occurs when an unusual amount of stress or unresolved conflict becomes too intense for a couple to manage. A crisis brought on by finances usually involves more than dollars and cents. Anger. resentment, frustration and hopelessness often control the relationship. Communication becomes increasingly strained, or the two emotionally withdraw from each other. A crisis can be even more challenging when either the husband or the wife contributed to it, rather than its being caused by outside forces, and especially when trust has been broken. People react differently to crises. Some people react quickly and emotionally, while others are more introspective and require time to sort it out. It’s essential for spouses to give each other the freedom to deal with the crisis in an appropriate way and to support each other in every way possible. Times like this can be defining in a relationship, bringing couples closer together or pushing them further apart. This may surprise you, but one of the biggest potential benefits is that when people experience a high level of pain, they’ll often change. Impulse spenders often become careful spenders, credit cards are paid off. Couples begin to communicate at a deeper level. And others become serious about growing in their relationship with Jesus Christ. HERE ARE 8 TIPS FOR DEALING WITH A MARITAL CRISIS Pray together for God's wisdom and direction in your situation. Agree together on ground rules for how to deal with the crisis. Include an opportunity for either spouse at any time to call a time-out to pray together and cool off if a meeting becomes too intense Use kind words to communicate. Words are easy to cast but difficult to reel in. Write a letter to each other expressing your feelings and identifying the issues contributing to the crisis financial or otherwise. Then meet to pray and discuss the letters. Identify, confess and repent from any sin. For example, if someone is addicted to gambling and is squandering the family income, true repentance would mean getting help to break the addiction. Decide what you will not do. Identify what you won't do to try to cope with the problem. For example, adding more debt to a fragile financial situation often only delays the inevitable and makes it worse. Look for the underlying cause. Be alert for the real source of the hurt between you and your spouse. You may not know where to look for it, but God does. Ask Him to reveal it.Finally, work to rebuild the marriage. Each spouse should find someone to hold them accountable to make good choices. And if a couple does all those things but the crisis remains, what then? Couples experiencing an acute meltdown in their marriage need intervention because they’re unable to work out their problems without the assistance of professionals. It's vital to find the right person or organization that can provide the most effective help. Select a mature Christian who is a trained professional. To identify prospects, ask for referrals from church leadership and conduct online research to discover what resources are available in your area. We realize there are some circumstances where divorce may occur because of abuse, adultery, or addictions, but most problems can be solved if both partners are committed to resolving them. Learn more in Howard Dayton’s book Money and Marriage God’s Way. On today’s program, Rob also answers listener questions: ● Is it wise to take out a debt consolidation loan? ● What is the best way to help an adult child to attack their debt? ● When does it make sense to invest in real estate? RESOURCES MENTIONED: ● Christian Credit Counselors Remember, you can call in to ask your questions most days at (800) 525-7000 or email them to [email protected]. Also, visit our website at MoneyWise.org where you can connect with a MoneyWise Coach, join the MoneyWise Community, and even download the free MoneyWise app. To support this ministry financially, visit: https://www.oneplace.com/donate/1085/29